gephyrophobia

The fear of bridges or overpasses.

I think I have this.

You see, it really is the subject of a recurring dream that I have. Actually, it really is a nightmare and it has plagued me for years. Uh oh, you are learning something new about me. But maybe this is the first step in getting over it.

The dream goes like this:

I’m driving on a road, most likely an interstate because there are several lanes for traffic (I say for rather than of, because I am usually the only car on the road) and there are streetlights lining the road. It has the appearance of a really big overpass or suspension bridge. The problem with this road is that it follows a steep…really steep, upward incline. It has the appearance of a really perfect perspective drawing that goes straight up with no apparent end to it. And that lack of an end is where the problem begins. Have you ever driven up a hill and you can’t see what is on the other side until you get to the top of the hill? That is what I am not seeing in my dream. What is on the other side of that really steep hill. But what happens as I am trying to get to the top of the hill is where things usually go terribly wrong.

Because, you see, I’ve tried to drive it many times in my dream and I never make it. This hill is so steep that I have to floor the accelerator to even try to make progress. I never know how to gauge the gas pedal. Too little gas and I start sliding backwards, faster and faster. Too much gas and as I almost make it to the top, I fly up and flip over backwards. (that is the usual scenario). Or, I lose control and go zooming over the edge and fly through the air. The thing is, in my dream I know this is the problem. I know that I am probably going to flip over backwards, like a little hot wheels car out of control on the plastic racetrack. And because I know this, I feel the anxiety of it in my dream. I know my heart is beating wildly. I know I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I know I’m starting to sweat. I know that I am starting to panic. The absolute fear of not making it up and over that big giant hill is really quite unnerving. I always wake up seconds after my tires leave the pavement and I’m launching through the air. And I always know, in my dream, that I either gave it too much gas or just not enough. And I’m always in a raw sense of panic when I wake up. And I usually have trouble getting back to sleep.

So now we live in this big gigantic city with lots of interstates and overpasses. There is one particular stretch that I had to go on while driving to an away volleyball game. With my GPS guiding me, I suddenly found myself on this overpass that was somewhat steep and I couldn’t see over to the other side. And I’ll tell you, I think I honestly started to have a panic attack. This dream flashed to me in sequential still frames. I had to chant…“you can do this, you can do this.” Fortunately, unlike my dream of an empty road, there were cars in front of me. I consciously focused on the one right in front of me, gripped the steering wheel and told myself between chants, “just follow that car and do what they do.”

I did not like the feeling at all. And it happened the next time I drove that same stretch of highway. Even more so. This is true and not my idea of a creepy Halloween story.

Analyze that.

Note: the photo used for this post is not the particular overpass that I am writing about. I took this picture while I was a passenger in the car on a different highway. And i don't like driving over bridges with water under them either.